Fighting About Money

A lot of couples argue about money.

You’re not alone.

Generally, it’s not about dollars and cents, it’s about what money means to each of you. It's about your dreams, your fears, and your inadequacies.

Money is symbolic of emotional needs—such as safety and power—and of your personal histories.

Money means different things to different people. As a thought exercise, Dr. John Gottman wrote out all the possible meanings money has for people and easily came up with over 100 meanings before he stopped.

To some, money means love. It might symbolize care, affection, self-worth, or being important.

For others, money might mean security and safety.

Maybe money means freedom or flexibility to you.

Maybe it means significance, personal development, contribution, power, or status.

There is no right or wrong way to feel about or interpret money—try to keep that in mind as you unpack the meaning it has in your relationship.

What does money mean to you? What does it mean to your partner? 

How are those meanings similar? How are they different?

Why does your partner care so much about purchasing something or saving? Why do you feel strongly about what you want to save or buy? Does it have to do with your beliefs, your upbringing, or your values? Why do you think you might disagree, and how can you look beneath the cost to understand each other a little better?